Dear Elon

I have so many things I want to say to you, but I’m not sure we speak the same language. In fact, I’m not convinced you’re actually human.

Narcissism is likely an easy trap for people born into wealth and accustomed to being the center of their own universe. And my dude, for a while you had us along for the ride. The entrepreneurial wiz kid who emigrated from South Africa and spearheaded a move toward sustainable energy.

We thought the world of you, just like you did.

Then, then wealth and ambition override your self-restraint, you purchased the Earth’s most powerful social media platform, and you began your reign as dictator.

I truly think being king of Twitter is what showed you that your money and power could mold everything to your liking.

You and Trump make a weird couple. You know that, right? I assume you two exchange some performative fawning but in the end, you each think you’re king of the world. Sometime those two titanic egos are going to collide. Explosively.

My point is that we’re on to you. If you’d decided all that wealth was enough, people would likely esteem you. But no. You wanted, needed more and you became vocal about it. And the more you spoke the clearer became your drug use, your entirely mundane brain and your love of casting others (well, mostly Blacks and women) as being inferior.

I’d bet anything you know you’re average in some ways and subpar in others. You and Donnie have Compensation Disorder to the max.

I don’t know that you could regain a quarter of the amity the world used to have for you, but you still have time to avoid going down in history as one of the most mindlessly selfish, greedy and egomaniacal douches to walk the planet. It’s easy.

Realize you have more than 98% of the world combined, figure out you can’t buy success (cough Cybertruck cough) and go hang on a nice beach somewhere enjoying the spoils of your daddy’s Blood Emerald riches.

But no. Narcissists have to be seen and heard. So you’ll stick around like dog poop on the bottom of a shoe and stink up the place.

Enjoy being so loathed – and no, it’s not jealousy; you’re sincerely detested – that most Americans hate on you more than Trump.

Sincerely,

Panda